Training diary, page4

Looking back at 1 year old
This is a mail I wrote to Clicker Solutions mailing list when Diesel turned 1 year old. I wanted to include it here since I can't keep up with the diary thoroughly anymore.

It's amazing how much has happened, really big changes, in the past two or three months. Of course, this is a time of changes, Diesel being adolescent and all but the biggest change has been in our relationship. Something has truly clicked (pun intended ;). Therefor I'd like to tell our story to reflect what's happened and how and how confused I've felt.
This is going to be long I'm afraid.

Diesel is my third Labrador, first clicker trained dog. I got excited about clicker training before I got her so I had some time to learn and study and even practice a bit. What would be more fun than to train an easy going, receptive and docile dog with a clicker!
Well.. surprise, surprise, it didn't quite go like that. ;)

I first met Diesel when she was 4 weeks old. I visited the breeder and spent about 6 hours with the puppies. Very short time but I clearly remember how Diesel didn't want to be on my lap at all. Other puppies I tried with were happy to be, even sleep on my arms/lap but not this one. Every time I picked her up she wanted to get away. I remember suppressing every thought about this; it was a short time, I shouldn't make any hasty conclusions etc. There weren't many Lab puppies available that time and I didn't get to choose my puppy and whatever I was thinking at that point didn't really make any difference. I NEEDED this puppy. I doubt anything would have changed my mind, I was really that bad <smile>.

So when she was 7½ weeks old I went to pick her up. We had two hour's ride back home and I was sitting in the back seat with Diesel. I was nervous, I can tell you.
In the car the same thing happened again. Diesel didn't make a sound, she didn't sleep either and she definitely didn't want to be on my lap.

At home she just *was* <g>. No sound at all, she didn't come to me, she didn't do much anything, she just was :). I let her be and get to know her new surroundings and she never made a sound. No whining, no crying and no curious "who's that big thing there" sniffing and biting me. She didn't make contact with me. In the night, I took her to bed with me, I wanted her to sleep on my bed. She made a sound! She WHINED. She wanted down. I put her down and she didn't go to her soft mat but she found a corner and laid down on the wooden floor (she was used to a soft mat at the breeder's).

This went on for three days. She really didn't come to me. She didn't particularly avoid me, but no happy running towards me no matter what I did. She had tons of toys (I have a soft spot for dog toys) and she happily played with them few times.. but mainly she just was there. It looked like I was of no interest to her. Interestingly she whined if I left the room, but when I came back/was there, she didn't make contact. She didn't eat much either. She didn't like her kibble and easily went 2 days without food.

OK. I hadn't expected this.

I started clicking with her very soon. If not the first night then the second day. I had made tons of yummy liver treats in advance and she didn't care for them. She sniffed them and maybe tasted a bit and then lost interest. I went through lot of different treats with her and there were very, very few she seemed to like.

Clicking was OK. I made many mistakes of course, but as long as I was up to it and had right treats Diesel learned fast.
Naturally, she learns everything I just lack skills to teach her everything :).

Outside I soon discovered I didn't have the courage to keep her off-leash. Guess why? She didn't come to me <g>.
I live in downtown Helsinki so naturally, I can't dream of keeping her off-leash all the time but there are lot of parks nearby and I've always kept my dogs off-leash and I've always taught my previous puppies off-leash right from the start. But.. the parks also have roads around them. I reinforced (the best I could and knew) every look and movement towards me and sure we had success but.. when another dog appeared in Diesel's sight; WOW - THAT was her world, not me!
She loved dogs. She would have followed other dogs to the end of the world and she would run and meet another dog no matter how far it was and how much I tried running the other way "Look.. mom's running the OTHER way". She simply didn't seem to care.
She probably would have cared at some point but I wasn't able to find out in these circumstances.
So I decided I wouldn't be a fool. Even if I was the worst sissy, it only takes one time and one car ... So off-leash happened only at dog parks (which are fenced here).
A big improvement was that I discovered how Diesel absolutely loved hide and seek game. So that's what we played when we could.

I'm not talking about a "dog-friendly" -dog. I'm talking about something I didn't know exists. A dog who lives for dogs.

Although she started taking more contact too; biting my hands and trouser leg <g>, this is basically how she was. We had a great time, we had great play-time, we had great clicker sessions etc. but.. she felt... well.. distant. It's very hard to explain it but it felt like she was saying "Hey, you're kind of OK but I belong to no-one, sorry".
She didn't want to sleep on my bed; when she finally started sleeping on the bed she automatically moved away when I came there (I didn't want her to move away). She sometimes slept on the couch but as soon as I sat there she went down. (Note that I _wanted_ her to be on the couch)
She growled at me few times and even snapped at me and I have to admit that made me very confused and even worried. However, when I thought about these situation more carefully I realized *I* must have appeared threatening to her.

Anyway, this was not my cuddly Lab puppy I had waited.

When we were outside and Diesel got herself into trouble (e.g. too rough play) she didn't "seek help from me". She just sorted it out herself, whatever it was (or I went and took her away); she didn't come to me for cover. We played lot of recall games á la Jean Donaldson and I tried reinforcing any movement towards me heavily. It started paying off too. Although she wasn't clung to me, she occasionally started checking in (BIG step).
Her recalls started being wonderful too.
But, above all she was wonderful with other dogs. She really knew her way in that world, which seemed to be the right world for her. There were times she played too rough with small dogs, but normally, even if she was rough she was only as rough as "required", meaning that she seemed to pick the level of roughness the other dog was playing. She was breaking up fights at the dog park and she managed to get every dog playing. I got so used to hearing "Oh, my dog never plays anymore" and after 2 minutes this never playing dog was playing with Diesel.
I remember thinking how I wished I could find Diesel a job with (among?) other dogs, that's where she belongs.

Then she hit puberty! Oh boy.. <g>
At the age of 7 months it happened for the first time that she was playing with a dog who was very rough and Diesel got tired and she came to me for little help (ok.. I interpreted that way)! She leaned on my feet and look at me as if she was asking me to take her away. She got C/Jackpotted and she stayed glued to me and I we left the park.

In my mind, that incident started a series of changes. We had a short (very short <g>) serene period. Diesel was very attentive, no leash pulling at all, she even came to the couch and pressed herself against me. I, of course, just couldn't help myself but hugged and squeezed her sometime and she left <g>. Note that I'm not talking about handling which we've been practicing from the beginning; I want to be able to lift her, move her, touch her almost anyway, anytime and these are clicker lessons we've done right from the start. But hugging and cuddling is a different world.

Well, this serenity was soon broken and Diesel became the worst brat ever. Just walking on a leash was a BIG challenge. I decided I'll forget most of the training and concentrate on attention. It kept me sane if nothing else.
Then, all of a sudden she had fear period (at 8 months). It took me sometime to realize this because she had always been SO independent, SO confident. And I of course acted like jerk before I realized what was going on. It was difficult to realize, she was afraid of everything. For example, she refused to walk up the stairs to our apartment. We sat downstairs for 30 minutes, then we sat there for 45 minutes etc, clicking and no, she wouldn't walk up the stairs. This went on for two or three weeks and we used the lift instead of stairs but everytime tried to even approach the stairs first. I finally got her to walk couple of stairs by forgetting the clicker and just playing with a ball downstairs and then "accidentally" walking couple of stairs and then quickly back down. This is how we eventually walked the stairs again. (I'm of course leaving out lot of details because this message is too long already).
The fear period was over in 3 or 4 weeks and after that everything was back to almost normal. Diesel has been a bit more jumpy than she was before the fear period.

Then she became the most annoying adolescent ever! We had truly difficult time. At home it was still relatively peaceful although she for example ate my eyeglasses and cell phone, but outside was a complete disaster. This was also the first time I yelled at her -loud. I jerked the leash (Diesel wears a harness) BAD, I just didn't have all the patience I should have had.
Diesel was a completely different dog. We didn't have a mutual language anymore. Nothing worked. I could hardly walk outside with her. I got a Gentle Leader and lost my temper with that too. After two weeks of careful conditioning I decided we are not doing any better with the GL. But I still carried it with me and when we hit a situation I was about to loose my temper because I got absolutely no response from Diesel whatsoever I switched her to Gentle Leader and got myself a timeout. Another thing I was able to somehow remember was to concentrate on attention. I remembered how Janet Smith always tells she reinforces attention with her dogs _heavily_. That's what I did too. Not that I got so much attention but it was something to concentrate on. It helped me to be able to concentrate something small. Every tiniest look my way earned a c/t. I forgot everything else, literally. That's how we managed.

Then Diesel had her first season (that's the way it's said in English, right?). For 3 and half weeks we didn't visit the dog parks, we bypassed other dogs from far away. Very few dog contacts at all.
That did us SO good. Both of us (me too!). Diesel didn't go insane even that she didn't get to go to the dog park! And I realized she didn't go insane even that she didn't meet her friends everyday.

After her season, maybe 3 weeks now, we've been in heaven. I have the greatest dog in the world. She's very attentive, she's calmed down a lot, we can even, in suitable conditions pass another dog by without a fuss! This is something I still can't understand :). I still don't have the courage to keep her off-leash outside the dog park. I've tried it few times (and I also have a flexi and a long line for her -15 meters) and everytime it has gone perfectly but I just don't feel comfortable yet.

Outside, she sometimes checks in on me almost too often (sometimes I still get ignored for a long time). If she wants a break from playing she often comes to ME. We're back practising recalls and all sorts of things. I can even give her BORING treats outside, the dog who didn't like almost any treats.
At home Diesel is all over me, she comes to the couch with me, lies on top of me, presses herself against me, lets me hug her etc, etc. She's become very cuddly indeed.
Yes, we still have problems and she gives me hard time (which I do too) but it wouldn't be so good if we didn't have difficult time as well. We might hit another total disaster soon, who knows, but I'm glad we got this break. I love this little termite.

think I've felt much much more confused with Diesel than I did with any other of my animals, dogs included. The root of that confusion was in my very clear decision to stick with positive reinforcement only. I had trained my earlier Labs with correction and had even started them with choke chains. The older they (and I) got the more I started to learn about positive methods.

Hand in hand with positive methods came the realization that I don't really know what and how my dog feels and thinks. That I'm just interpreting and anthropomorphizing (that is one scary word for a non-English speaking to write! :) I suddenly realized I had done it all wrong and there wasn't so much to rely on when it came to all the experience I supposedly had with dogs and other animals.
Now later I believe all my earlier experience has been very helpful after all but at first everything was so topsy-turvy.

This little puppy even growled at me! How was I supposed to deal with that if I couldn't say calmly but firmly NO! and give her a little gentle but firm shake <g>? Well, I did deal with that without any corrections. Sorry, not quite true, I corrected my own behaviour <g>. I became aware I might have caused that by suddenly touching her from behind before she realized or something like that.
At this time I also read Sue Eh?'s Leading the Dance very carefully. I must say it was such a relief to read it. Now - I didn't think I was dealing with an aggressive dog or anything but I simply didn't know what to do. I had this 4 months old puppy who had snapped me and even that I didn't think she was mean or bad - I *understood* but I still didn't know WHAT TO DO. Sure, reinforce desirable behaviour but what to do when things get maybe a bit scary? I never did "Leading the Dance" but just reading it gave me so much confidence - I'm going the right direction and there is an alternative for submitting if problems arise.
Well, there never was problems due to that snapping that happened couple of times. I completely ignored it, just tried to see what I might have done to make her act like that and yes, it was my fault in this case.

I took my decision very literally also because I wanted to be aware of my actions. I really wanted to examine what I did and how conscious were my actions and decisions, how I reacted. I surprised myself many times and I think the whole thing got a bit naive at times too. I mean, I really tried to avoid all kinds aversives/bad things, as much as one can living in downtown. Things happened like I really worried how I could get Diesel, just a puppy, to take her medicine without making her to take it and I mean I _really_ worried! Previously I had just placed the pill on my dog's mouth and rubbed her throat to make her swallow, big deal? It suddenly WAS a big deal to me. And that's not me exactly (I mean if my dogs needs medicine, she needs medicine and she's going to take it for heavens sake!). I often wondered how I had become such a softy all of a sudden, why on earth was I so overly careful?

The biggest reason I was so careful and was able to really keep away from corrections (even minor ones), to observe what are my actions, my tone of voice etc. was Diesel. Had she been different I might not have been so conscious of everything. But I only understood why after our relationship started really changing. I remember giving Diesel a pill (vermifuge?) when she was maybe 8 months and I just put the pill in her mouth and rubbed her throat and all of a sudden I noticed what I was doing. Diesel didn't mind, I didn't notice. and wasn't worried of doing something "bad"... WHAT was going on?

Because there was this certain distance between us I didn't want to drive Diesel further apart from me. As I said before we had a great and wonderful time and I couldn't really put my finger on it then but I felt that I didn't have Diesel's complete trust. But I wanted to earn that trust. So I became kind of.. um.. discreet. Sure, there were certain rules in the house but I was acting courteous. I wasn't completely sure what I should do to make her trust me more (because the situation wasn't really changing even that I thought it should) but I knew I didn't want to HURT and lose the trust one bit. And I pretty much knew how to do THAT.
So if she did stay on the couch even that I came sitting there I tried really hard not to hug her, not even touch her (just because I wanted her to stay. I was just so happy if she stayed there, even if it was just one minute.

So I'm not talking about a suspicious dog and this might not sound like nothing much to many of you, but to me it was. I'm talking about a Labrador Retriever after all, and I sure had expectations about that <g>. It's funny, I've been thinking that maybe it would have been easier to realize/accept the differences if it had been a different breed but getting unexpected behaviour from the breed I already thought I'm used to and know..

And where are we today? I don't think I could have dreamt about being this close to Diesel, I don't think I was this close with previous dogs and we've only lived 9 months together :).
Now, I need to add that I haven't completely succeeded to avoid aversives and it's usually even been simply lack of self control, being tired etc. And Diesel isn't your amazing trick performing or reliable obedient clicker trained super dog. She doesn't even know that much.. and yet it feels like she knows so much, stuff that I haven't been training, stuff that can only happen if you know one and other. And I feel I'm only beginning to get to know her. Who knows, maybe she knows me better than I know her.

So if you ask me, I can't understand why anyone would choose to use corrections and punishment with a pet dog, a companion.. Nah, mutual respect works with humans and it works with humans and animals too I suppose.

Oh, did I say I love this little CellPhoneChewer?